It's been a long time since I posted anything. Mostly because I haven't been up to anything interesting, lately. I don't really cook anymore, but I did manage to bake these Double Chocolate Cookies. I love chocolate, but I think these were too much for me.
For Thanksgiving, I got to see my older cousin Daniel Pham. When I was younger, I thought that he was the coolest guy ever. He played high school football and went to Stanford. Still a pretty cool guy, but I guess through no fault of his own, he could never live up to the "colossal vitality of [my] illusion." Or I guess life just gets more boring once you have kids. By the way, recognize the quote?
I remade my Apple Pie for the holiday. It was definitely easier and came out better this time around. There's still some work that I could do to make the crust flakier. Maybe I really need the vodka? Given enough opportunities I hope to figure it out.
Recently, I was back in Philly for the first time since I moved to Seattle. It was great to see family again. Amish and I don't really agree on foods very much, for he hates fish sauce, a staple of Vietnamese cuisine. However, we both like Mozzarella Sticks. I guess it might be a tradition to make these with him when I'm back in Philly
Anyway, it's New Year's Eve. Given that I'm in a strange new city, instead of ringing in the new year with loved ones, I have a quiet night and extended weekend to reflect on this new chapter of my life in Seattle.
Since I moved here for work, perhaps it's no surprise that I spend most of my time here working, and admittedly, I quite enjoy my job. It seems that software engineering rather suits me. Given a problem, I often find myself obsessed with solving it and unable to put it aside. Then, there's that rush of dopamine when your code passes the tests and everything changes from red to green. Admittedly, most of these problems are rather meaningless, but living "with the bearing of one who was going to give his days and nights to Ecclesiastes for ever", these bugs and math problems have become a kind of escape for me.
We all imagine ourselves as heroes of our personal story. Lost in the abstract world of code and math, I seem to have forgotten that everyone else has a story, too, not just me. I read something of that sort in a book once, where we always expect everyone around us to stay as static characters while we, personally, plow on with our story and overcome many obstacles. Perhaps, this is why mothers cry when their children go to college, or every family gathering, we're shocked how old are nieces and nephews are. When I was in college, I remember we would joke about certain friends, saying "I could never see him/her married", or "could you imagine so-and-so as a doctor?" Not in a sexist or racist way, but they were such jokesters or so irresponsible, it was hard to imagine that scenario.
Seeing my cousin Daniel and visiting Philly, I've started to see this lack of imagination in myself. Everyone has rich and varied lives that proceed with or without me, and to be honest, I'm mostly a nonfactor in their stories. I guess there's a selfish part of me that makes it hard to accept changes that I wasn't directly part of. Buried under work, I've finally emerged into a new world where everyone is getting married, having kids, and moving to new cities.
We sort of imagine a life for ourselves evolving as a person by forming new relationships, getting new hobbies, or advancing our career, yet for some reason, we're often taken aback when others' lives evolve in the same way. I guess that's because we often describe our loved ones as our rocks that we rely on when times are tough. Unfotunately, these rocks are quite amorphous, and we can't exactly expect that person to fit into the neat little box that we made for them in our mind.
In some ways, this is a good thing. I'm continually amazed by what others accomplish. I might remember them as a struggling college student or socially awkward. It's great to see people exceed expectations. In other ways, it's disappointing. People that you thought were close friends will go ghost and disappear.
Anyway, I'm not sure if there's any point to this rambling. I don't really have any resolutions for 2017. I guess that I'm just becoming more cognizant of how little that I understand about the world around me.